Narcissist : A Conversation With Myself


In this absurd world, in the adversity that we survive in, finding the moments that momentarily make me imagine situations in alternate circumstances or alternate reality are the ones that define me and the friend I speak to within myself. In my everyday life, I encounter a lot of people, with different personalities and different realities. I wish to understand every one of them, so to encapture the thought of imagination or borrow the sense of reading the reality. Imagining myself walking invisible within the crowd to capture the moments of reality which brings happiness or sadness within the faces or motion’s of people. I guess I am elaborating too much on reality and imagination here. Let’s look at a few facets of my life and imagination and let you decide the reality of the environment that motion drives.

As I walked along the causeway, I came across a number of people who had various expectations. Some anticipate the ego-fulfillment of haggling and bargaining, while others are captivated by the idea that a parallel world may exist in this pricey metropolis and tinker with need of existence. The fancy bits and pieces of the causeway and every normalization of items and things draw people to establish a distinct universe and create the impression of a mixed setting where a cinematic scenario of chaos could become reality. I hope that these few phrases are able to potray in all of your minds the facets of my life and imagination. Amidst creating this sense of imagination, I would further like you to look at me in this crowd. I imagined myself as the Tabla Seller in this crowd and alternative reality.

“The Tabla Seller” walked through different personalities and realities at the same time. The sole objective of the seller was to potray his art and observe the sense of imagination people hold for it. He goes around the crowd playing the tabla and then observing few people fascinated by it to hold them on sight and make them imagine a different sense of reality and comfort. He is not a normal observer like me, but perhaps a “seller” who intends to capture and potray life by selling a reality through imagination. When he came to me with this sense of observance, i captured the art he wanted to potray. However, being amidst the cinematic scenario of chaos made me push away the sense of comforting imagination and i told him that i don’t know how to play and it would be pretty much not useful for me. He captured me in this scenario and told me “bhaiya ek leke dekho, table ki sukoon kuch aur hoti hai, ghar ko saja rakhegi”( Try it once, the sense of comfort it will bring around and you the house is gonna be unique).The act of disregarding comfort allowed him to read my mind and capture the world I had created with the instrument performance. The response rather created the imagination that i could use table for other purposes as well. Most of the people come to causeway for things that would decorate their mind, body and surroundings. He sold me the truth of comfort in the middle of chaos by snapping away the moment in the midst of turbulence. He continued to stride merrily through the crowd, selling the same reality.

Sometimes, the act of imaginating a situation through this lense gives us the perspective through normalization of moments in life of others and depicting the pre or post outcome of reality. There exists a shop near Gaylords, run by a old man whom could find reading newspapers in the morning next to the Asiatic shop. The man, whom I’ve observed in bits and pieces, runs the shop since several years. He sits on a stool and analyzes the life papers display not realizing the part of himself being a reality of my life. The intense attention on running the business even though there aren’t many customers shows the sense of knowledge he has developed over the years. The comprehension of his own existence as someone who sells normalcy to people comes from viewing life through lenses that represent motion, watching struggle, pain, and relief in whatever sequence may be. The craziest times in life and the changes that decades have brought to our lives cannot alter the idea that “I and I” are the dialogue of our lives and the energy we bring to it.

“The interaction and observance of people creating the narrow understanding that imagination is myself being the invisible while i capture the character of the crowd and the personality i decide to potray in my own life. The tussle between this is only the sense of observance through motion and outcome through conversations with myself.”

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